Oh My God... Its a Feeling.

Recently, my sweet boyfriend and me, broke up. Yes, I know, heartbreaking right. But check this out: In the midst of my grief process, I've had an awareness that has radically changed my life. In fact, this awareness is so life-changing, I wish to reveal my most vulnerable self and share an insight that I want everyone to know.

I was talking with a friend about why this process has been so challenging. Yes, he was my first true love (and so cute at that!) and the first relationship where I practiced conscious loving, but the real challenge has been taking back all that I've projected onto him. I made him into the classic "knight in shiny armor," the one who was going to rescue me, complete me and make all of my dreams come true.

So, my friend asks me, "Nick, what is so hard about this break up for you?" There's the given, I feel sad because I feel so much love for this person, but in that moment, a wave of fear rushed into my belly. A familiar and deep fear. As I sat with my feelings, I heard the words, "I'll never feel this good about anybody ever again, I'll never have the love I want." (Pop Quiz: At what age, did I make up this story?)

In my recent years, I've discovered that fear is simply a racy body-sensation at the bottom of my belly. A sort of butterflies in the tummy, but with no breath. Here I am, making my life and my dreams of true love about him, but in the process, totally avoiding any fear that might actually keep me from enjoying genuine love in the first place.

I've been unwilling to feel my fear and keep making my dreams, my happiness and my love about someone else. In fact, I realized the fear I felt, talking about "never having the love I want," was exact feeling, the exact fear, that I felt 10-minutes before I met my now, ex-boyfriend.

Funny how that works. So, where am I going with all this?

Often times we do things to distract ourselves from feeling our feelings, making life and love about other people, when it really comes down to a unwillingness to source our feelings in ourselves. If we want good luck in love, we have to be willing to feel the fear that keeps love out.

I've been running around, trying to get others to love me, but I've been unwilling to love myself, all of me, first - especially my fear. I've been creating love and relationships from a place of fear and control, not from a place that I'm already whole and complete. So that whether they stay or go, I'm still here, enjoying myself, as the man of MY dreams.

Today, my invitation: What fear might be keeping you from having the love you want? What feeling might be taking up the space, for the really good things to show up in life? Remember, life always mirrors back to us where we're at, on the inside. Today, take a breath, feel your fear and let somebody love you. Let love stay, feel your fear, today.

Field of Dreams

Recently, I realized my number one wish in life is to play ball with another man in a genuine, conscious, lasting, loving, fun and fulfilling relationship. However, today, I see that I still need to build my field.

In the last year, through many situations, I've been playing on dirt, thinking a good ball game is what I've been doing, but really I've only been distracting myself from building the field of my dreams. I've been playing in a sandlot, wishing my stadium was building itself.

Today, I toss to you: What is it going to take for you to build the field of your dreams? Where have you gotten off track, playing ball in an empty, unbuilt lot? Today, what do you need to do to pick up the shovel and start laying your foundation?

When you build it, they will come. Faith is a good friend to have.

Remaining Loving... no matter what!

Are you ready to take the biggest step towards enjoying a fulfilling life?

Recently I've come upon, what I see as the greatest lesson of all: To remain loving in the face of fear. I discovered this treasure in relationship, but of course, like most life lessons, it applies across the board. Here's the question:

How can you remain loving in the face of your biggest fears?

As you might know, I have a passion for relationships. I think they're fascinating, but sometimes, I'm a bit obsessive and get off track of my intended goal: To enjoy a genuine, conscious, loving and fun relationship with my partner. I get more wrapped up in the details, than that fact that we both want to be together and we're willing to go the distance to find paradise, hand in hand.

So, in the midst of everyday routine and emotional roller coaster, how do you find a stable ground to stand on in relating? You start with love, combined with understanding and compassion. Now, it might sound simple, but in many ways it really is. Whether in relationship to your partner, your job, money, other people or yourself, finding that place in yourself where love exist will give you a foundation to stand on, relate from and use as example, when wanting others to do the same.

I think we could discuss this "problem to solve" for hours, looking at it from many angles, but in the meantime, while life is happening, the important question to be asking: How can I remain loving in the face of fear? My own and others? How can I stay with myself, when I feel abandoned, betrayed or wanting to throw in the towel?

Today, begin with loving yourself. Find that place inside you where you can celebrate who you are, what you've created in your life, and relate to the world from there. Be willing to be surprised how much your partner and life will be more of what you want to enjoy.

Get In Today!

Have you ever been scared to a point where you pull "The Trump Card?" You know, things are getting a bit sticky and in frustration, rather than going through the fire or learning, you want to throw in the towel?

Recently, I've been given an opportunity to keep a 3-month commitment to a relationship. Yet, in the midst of my fear, I question what I'm doing and my agreement; therefore, never really giving myself a chance to grow or move beyond the problem. It's as if I'm more committed to being stuck, than to being happy.

My sweet partner and I have said yes and agreed to a 3-month commitment to not question our relationship. Yet, it seems like once a week I get scared and rather than growing and getting to better problem, like how can we work through this as a team, I question our agreement and pull my "Trump Card." I say things like, "I don't know if I want to do this anymore." But the catch is, I'm never going to get through the sticky and icky, until I put both of my feet in fully.

Today, I'm in – fully! We have 2-more months and this time I'm more committed to working through our sticky, than to being separate. I have a team player that I've been selling out on for a month – including myself.

The question: How much fun can I have in love with this sweet man?

I heard a story about Will Smith and Jada Pinket. They said at the beginning of their marriage that, "breaking up wasn't an option." That anytime a conflict would occur, they would find creative ways to work through it. That's the sort of life I want to live. Where I find creative ways to work through my issues with my partner. Whether it be in business or life-partner, the key: Commitment.

Get in, today! Be at choice to enjoy the people in your life.